if dreams were lightning & thunder was desire, this old house would have burnt down a long time ago.

i have started riding my bike EVERYWHERE.
to the park, to dinner, to outings with friends.
and to work.

it's just shy of a 5 mile bike ride there, making my total riding somewhere around 10 miles a day.
i pedal as hard as my legs and lungs can handle it, and when i pull up in front of my destination, i feel like my eyes are going to fall out and my stomach is doing somersaults, and it feels SO GOOD.
i now understand why people get addicted to exercise.

i hope this makes a dent in the 7 pounds i put on over the winter.

i'm currently at 152.
i was 145 last summer.
ideally, i'd like to be somewhere between 135 and 140. i know that seems low for someone who is 5'10", but i have a very very very narrow frame, so anything extra really feels out of place. i promise, i will be healthy.

i have been eating better than ever before, also.
i can do this!
i just keep saying that nothing tastes as good as thin feels whenever i'm tempted to inhale everything in sight.
but i definitely treat myself on occasion- i just make sure my boss eats most of it! haha.

...in other news, i got to lay out in the park for 2 hours today while miles napped in the shade of his stroller.

this is going to be such a great summer.
I'm back, and with the passion and fervor of a thousand shining suns.
I credit the cloudless skies that burst forth rays of sun that feel like they were hand delivered to me by angels with long blond beach-curled locks of hair and flip-flops of gold with my name in glimmering calligraphy.

I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love with this life.
Finally, finally, I don't feel as if I'm just biding my time, waiting for the next exciting phase of my life. I discovered joy on my own rooftop, on my own firescape, in the very backyard of a Brooklyn brownstone. Joy is in my legs as I pedal furiously down Washington Avenue towards Prospect Park, a backpack loaded with beach towel, bottled water, healthy snacks, and sunscreen.
Joy is in my skin as the sun warms my shoulders and tiny flecks of light radiate from somewhere inside my body, as if it is not blood that courses through these veins, but liquid gold. Joy is in my laughter as I lay on a blanket with my dearest friend in the city, throwing a frisbee with people i have just met, sharing stories with beautiful people in between beautiful songs at a show on a beautiful night.
I take my coffee in the mornings with joy and cream and sugar. Lots of it. I eat chocolate chip pancakes at brunch with a dear new pal who makes my sides hurt with laughter and pour over them joy, thick and rich and from the bottle. I stir joy into my bourbon to make it sweeter and sip it from a jam jar on a patio in brilliant warm sunshine.
I consume joy. I am consumed by joy.

This is my life, and i want it all. every last drop. Don't ever stop living like this, don't ever stop loving how you live. One day,Katie, you'll long for this life again- being twenty something, married but with little to responsibilities, able to jump on your vintage yellow bike named Petunia and ride to the park, for ice cream, to brunch, to work. You'll miss spending your days playing with a tiny baby who beams when you kiss his nose, who falls asleep with the tip of your finger in his mouth, who sleeps while you drink coffee in the mornings on a bench on the boardwalk, gazing at the city reflected in the river while the wind lightly lifts your hair and swirls it around your face.

Love what you have. Let every moment explode with joy. This is your life. This is what you were made for.
also, thinking about cutting my hair.

its so dry, and takes so long to do each morning.
and honestly, im just not used to having "long" hair. (ha, it's not even to my shoulders.)

but whatever.

i really like this haircut:

just imagine it megablonde.
and not in some gorgeous alley in italy or somewhere exotic.

i'm such a bad eater.

seriously, if it's healthy, i probably hate it.

well, that's changing, now that my waistline is starting to reflect my choices.
i lost a LOT of weight after college, going from a size 14 to a size 4.
i wanna stay a size 4, and maybe ever shimmy into a 2 one of these days, and that just won't happen if i don't kick some of these horrible habits.

so here we go.
i'm going to be one cranky lady over the next few weeks, but this summer i'll feel fantastic, and it will all be worth it.

today, i had a cup of coffee around 8 (with half and half...i have no idea how to kick this! i hate coffee any other way, and i don't know how to function without coffee...eep). around noon i had a yogurt parfait from starbucks. it was incredible. i also had a grande soy chai latte. then around 4 i had a roll of sushi- california roll, and some kettle corn.

for dinner tonight, ill be having a burrito with rice, black beans, cheese, and salsa, in a corn tortilla. i probably wont eat the whole thing, because they're huge. i'm going to eat half of it, and save the rest for lunch tomorrow.

i'm trying to keep track of the things i put in my mouth, because i have a bad habit of lazy eating, and i dont pay attentiont o everything that goes into the black hole that is my mouth.

starting tomorrow-
no more kettle corn or drippy, buttery popcorn (sob! but i can make my own with olive oil and sea salt. its quite amazing). no more sour cream, guacamole, etc. i will continue to eat cheese, because i'll die without it.
i'll start getting margarine on my bagel in the mornings instead of butter.
when i'm hungry, i'll snack on granola or dried cranberries (FAVORITE!!) instead of chips and cookies and pizza.

and i need to drink lots and lots of water. lots.

this is not at all exciting.
im going grocery shopping this weekend...and it will be bleak.

on the bright side, husbear is on a diet with me. and hungrygirl has some awesome tips for situations just like this. and i have good friends who have come a long way with me on the scales and are amazing at keeping it off. i just need to surround myself with those people.
i can now save money on subway fare (they just raised the fare from 81 to 103 per month. ouch.) AND burn calories every day by riding to and from work!
there she is.
my beautiful Billie.
she arrives tonight.