if dreams were lightning & thunder was desire, this old house would have burnt down a long time ago.

sometimes when i have a bad day, or month as the case may be, it helps me to make a list of the things that make me happy.

so here:

-the giant bowl of halloween candy next to the couch.
-takeout chinese for four bucks a person.
-a husband who does the dishes.
-the beautiful fall bouquet of autumn leaves and eucalyptus and cattails and wheat on our end table.
-my new patterned socks.
-the new rubber boots i have coming in the mail.
-feeling thinner than i have in years. 140 and holding steady. (thats 35 pounds since my college days. yee-ha!)
-peeling off nailpolish.
-watching episodes of six feet under.
-the popcorn i'm going to eat for dinner.
-the sight of the empire state building from my living room window.
-my midnight pomegranate candle.
-clean laundry. i don't have any, but it makes me happy when i do.
-a clean house. i don't have one, but it makes me happy when i do.
-the promise of weekend freedom. just two days away.
-a mug of tea, which i will have to accompany my popcorn for dinner.
-the way my dog sleeps on his back with his paws stretched all the way out, in between Dan and myself at night, even though he's "not allowed" on the bed.
-watching my stupid dog tries to catch leaves blowing in the wind with his teeth.
-this musician i just started listening to named greg laswell.
-being friends with my ex-fiancee's girlfriend. she is great. this makes me VERY happy.
-really delicious harmonies.
-knowing thanksgiving is just around the corner and that we get to host dinner for dan's mom and stepdad.
-pumpkin bread.

...there. that's better.
i started my day off with a mug of theraflu and ten extra minutes to sip it and relax and try to begin my day on a positive note.

that was great.
but then the G train was fifteen minutes late, causing me to miss the E train, causing me to be very late to work, and i forgot my umbrella at home and it was raining.

and then max was still sick and then his school was cancelled so he had to stay home with me and we went to barnes and noble and he accidentally fell asleep in the stroller for all of ten minutes and when he woke up, he did not go back to sleep. once. for the rest of the day.

and then dan called and said steve escaped his cage and that stupid mutt demolished our apartment.
but my darling bear cleaned it all up.

and then i kept working, and max was a terror, and made me pull out all my hair.
so now im bald.


i'm home now.
i don't have the energy to make dinner, or clean the bedroom, or do anything but watch episodes of six feet under, which i cant do because husband has to study so he can be a good doctor and i can be a stay at home wife.

can't wait.
so tired.
want to punch my job in the face.

better luck tomorrow.
It is so hard for me to get out of bed each morning and watch the pup steal my spot next to my husband in my warm, cozy bed.
Even harder now that mornings are darker and darker each day.
I don't do well without sunshine.

Work today was manageable- Max is very very sick so he had to stay home from preschool, and went all manic on me whoch was not much fun. But I gave him benadryl and let him run up and down the hallway in the apt building until he crashed...and he napped FROM ONE UNTIL FIVE. amazing.
Micah is starting to walk, so I spent the afternoon chasing him around the living room, setting up little obstacle courses and seeing how far he could make it without falling down or reaching out for support. He was such a little cruiser.

When I got home, husband informed me that he bought me new rainboots from target and they will be arriving very soon in the mail. Gosh, he is darling. This weekend is our dating anniversary, but we're not technically supposed to celebrate that anymore cuz we're married and stuff. But we are anyway. I need a good fancy date.

I'm in a slump.
Everyone please keep their fingers crossed that at least one of the three schools i applied to takes me in.

i want to be a teacher.
...and i really want summers off.
i suppose i need to be better at updating this little guy.

i have to admit, i'm so tired every night after work, and dan is usually using the laptop to do his homework, so the ol' bloggeroo really gets neglected. i promise to get better at this.

and dan, quit getting all political in here. post it on your facebook. this is a marriage/life in nyc/turning into grownups blog.
i looove youuuu...

right now i'm sitting at home, watching old episodes of home improvement and looking at the various blogs of people i was once close with, feeling very homesick and very disconnected from the world.

i'm hoping to get my life back when i start school in january. working fifty hours a week plus devoting two hours of every day to riding the subway to and from work is taking a serious toll on my well-being and general zeal for life.

i just need to get back on track with making my dreams come true, and nannying is not cutting it.

just a tiny vent.

on the bright side, it's autumn. i live in new york city. it's almost halloween.
all of these things bring me joy.

i miss everyone.