if dreams were lightning & thunder was desire, this old house would have burnt down a long time ago.

Maybe it's the rain that has me in such a funk today.

Maybe it's the lack of knowing what's next.

Maybe it's the fact that our bedroom is the messiest it has ever been and i know it'll be my job to clean it.

But whatever the reason, I feel tired and discouraged.

I know, I know.
I'm young. I live in New York City. I married the love of my life. I have a cool apartment. I have a hilarious dog. I have a wonderful job.
...does that mean that no matter where we are in life, we'll always find something else to yearn for? I hope not. I hope one day I have a revelation. A moment where I'm sitting on my porch with a cup of coffee and I've just waved goodbye to the kids as the bus takes them to school, and I put my feet up on the wicker ottoman and sigh and say "Here it is. Here's that moment I was waiting for."

I have a phenomenal life.
That's why i think it's just the rain.

But I can't help but get excited to the point of impatience with our future.
I want to meet my children.
I want to kiss them and hug them and scold them.
I want to bake in my perfect kitchen.
I want to sit on my porch.
I want to walk through my garden.
I want to feel the fall wind and hear the dry leaves skitter in the street and see all the brilliant colors, because in my daydream it is Autumn.
Also in my daydream we have a cape cod style home with impressive landscaping and a giant porch and a roaring fire place and trees in the yard.

I miss Michigan. Today, anyway.

I think feeling stuck somewhere in between youth and adulthood and feeling desperate to capture the now is what being 24 (almost 25!) is all about.

I just need to find a project to keep my mind busy.
One that doesn't cost any money. Sigh.

1 Comment

  1. The Bennes on July 21, 2009 at 9:17 AM

    Ah, Katie! You have expressed exactly how I have been feeling. Also, I love your living room.