Maybe it's the rain that has me in such a funk today.
Maybe it's the lack of knowing what's next.
Maybe it's the fact that our bedroom is the messiest it has ever been and i know it'll be my job to clean it.
But whatever the reason, I feel tired and discouraged.
I know, I know.
I'm young. I live in New York City. I married the love of my life. I have a cool apartment. I have a hilarious dog. I have a wonderful job.
...does that mean that no matter where we are in life, we'll always find something else to yearn for? I hope not. I hope one day I have a revelation. A moment where I'm sitting on my porch with a cup of coffee and I've just waved goodbye to the kids as the bus takes them to school, and I put my feet up on the wicker ottoman and sigh and say "Here it is. Here's that moment I was waiting for."
I have a phenomenal life.
That's why i think it's just the rain.
But I can't help but get excited to the point of impatience with our future.
I want to meet my children.
I want to kiss them and hug them and scold them.
I want to bake in my perfect kitchen.
I want to sit on my porch.
I want to walk through my garden.
I want to feel the fall wind and hear the dry leaves skitter in the street and see all the brilliant colors, because in my daydream it is Autumn.
Also in my daydream we have a cape cod style home with impressive landscaping and a giant porch and a roaring fire place and trees in the yard.
I miss Michigan. Today, anyway.
I think feeling stuck somewhere in between youth and adulthood and feeling desperate to capture the now is what being 24 (almost 25!) is all about.
I just need to find a project to keep my mind busy.
One that doesn't cost any money. Sigh.
so i decided to take charge of some of those things that would make my life easier.
and i re-did my entire kitchen!
i cleaned and organized and decluttered and totally overhauled everything.
i even painted. and finished the whole dang thing.wanna see?
come on in!
the front door. and my aprons. the paint color is called "river's edge" by behr, with off-white trim.
lucy the cat likes to eat breakfast by the window. also, i bought way more flowers for the fire escape. and this morning, i sat out there and drank my coffee. and i loved it.
this was before the fellas installed MY NEW COUNTERTOP!
AND AFTER! omg.
so cute.
and sooo much more space!
and in case you've never seen my kitchen before this:
(those were taken before we had really "moved in", aka filled every surface with an unimaginable amount of clutter.)
i have more artwork to hang, and i'll post more pics as i go.
but there you have it- my new favorite room in the house.
next: my living room! (this weekend!!)
a list of things i am convinced would make my life better:
a shed-free dog. steve mcqueen sheds faster than i can sweep. i bought him a new brush yesterday. after running it through his fur three or four times, he shook himself furiously, sending all of the hair i had previously loosened swirling through the air to settle comfortably on the floor i had just swept. also, every morning there are what look liek snow drifts of hair in every corner. i have to sweep every single night.
and don't even get me started on our bedding. (and don't lecture me- he WILL NOT sleep anywhere but our bed. so shut up.)
an empty apartment so that i can just start over with a blank slate. i wish i could clear everytinything out and only put back what WE REALLY NEED. that way i would also be able to paint with having to worry about moving furniture and covering things with tarps. i just painted in february, but i'm already ready for a change- and i never even finished the trim the first time around. which brings me to my next point...
the will to finish ANYTHING i start. like painting. and organizing. and the laundry.
a bigger kitchen. we have a fantastic kitchen by new york standards, but it doesn't mean i don't long for miles of sparkling clean countertops and a HUGE oven and cupboards filled with everything i could possibly need to bake.
more money. i don't think i need to elaborate on that.
but for real, i need to tackle the shoe closet. i can't handle one more morning of digging through a MASSIVE MOUNTAIN of shoes to find my other flip flop.
i could use a bigger dresser and some shelving, too.
sigh.
organization is so overwhelming.
our weekend, in pictures:
friday-
slept in.
the boys
found these.
went into the city.
went to the market.
watched scary movies. which allison loved.
Saturday-
went to a cookout.
ate some watermelon.
bickered with husbear.
kissed and made up.
he smoked his grandfather's pipe and looked bad-ass doing it.
john mccain stopped by the party. (aka, my husband in his halloween costume. SCARY!)
went back to our house.
sat on the roof to watch the fireworks.
so many people!
spent time with my soulmate.
Sunday-
went to brunch.
adam is a handsome listener.
came home full of banana pancakes, as evidenced by my belly.
then my soulmate and dear friend shelly left me to return to harrisburg, and husbear went into his office to study for the MCAT, and i was left alone in the echoing living room.
so i watched endless episodes of hannah montana in my pjs and ate so much (homemade!) raspberry shortcake that i settled into a food coma, in which i could feel only numbness.
why is it that when your friends leave, they always have to take all of the liveliness with them?
anyway, it was a beautiful weekend. my little life has been full of those lately.
not us.
our cat...maybe.
last night, a bunch of pals gathered in our living room. this is common.
also common- they come in through the kitchen window via our fire escape.
it's like something out of "clarissa explains it all."
anyway, last night when they left, someone forgot to close the window behind them.
lucy, our cat, is in heat.
needless to say, when we woke up this morning and noticed the window open, our cat did not come running.
BUT FEAR NOT.
because this precious little kitty (who pees on LITERALLY everything that we own. even on our stove. and in my purse. ugh.) comes when i call her.
so i sat on the fire escape with a can of tuna and called "lulululululu! lucy goosey! lucina! lucy my kitty!" etc. and very soon a tiny little black head popped up from a corner of the roof extension below us. she didn't come running, but poked a little paw up at me and disappeared again.
so, channeling my inner spidey, i scrambled down the fire escape ladders and made my way onto the roof extension and tiptoed to the corner with the hole where i saw my precious babycat.
she was stuck.
and i saved her.
i saved that little whore. (excuse my french, but she did sneak out through the window to get laid by multiple tomcats.)
and i carried her to safety.
she is now skulking around the apartment all bewildered-like, soaked in flea and tick repellent. her belly is full of tuna.
and her uterus is probably full of babies.
anyone want a kitten?
